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What’s To Smile About?

November 3, 2010

And so after being dragged out for so long I’m  going to call this painting finished. I’m not happy with the plastic bag but I’ll just have to paint several more until I’m satisfied.

My birthday and the Halloween week-end went well. Could be better, could be worse. This is the first year I’ve attempted to really try to be “in” with the Halloween spirit. To actually go ahead and  paint myself and go to a few crazy parties. I have to say I’ve been missing out. I grew up not celebrating my birthdays and  Halloween because of  my family’s religious beliefs.  Now that I’m older  I think any opportunity to affirm someone or to cause joy and spread it is a good enough reason to do anything.

Anyway- I ‘m going to have to put things in overdrive moving forward. I need to be in a gallery by this time next year. I need to see better, paint  better, use the remainder of my time more intensely and more effectively.

There’s nothing to fear.

If the full moon rises, this wolf must howl.

In other news, inevitably people use each other like tools and mirrors. I s there any other way?  This is a neutral comment.

And since people are unpredictable and inconstant ,  I just nod my head when they make promises. Simultaneously I make  alternate plans. That’s one way of remaining sane.

I’m not a good son. Not a good brother. Not a good father. Not a good husband. Maybe not a good friend. But I think I’m  a good artist.  Or I can become a better artist. This is my whole being  here. My sphere and orbit.
Relationship-wise,  if I am really going to go all out  with my art, I can’t afford distractions. I need to find someone like me, someone who is doing  something as passionately and needs the privacy and alone-time as much as I do. I think that would be my ideal relationship. We’ll support each other mentally, spiritually, creatively, physically, perhaps sexually- but once that’s done we both go back to our respective  cubicles to tackle our life’s work.

Like in that Aesop Rock song ” No Regrets”. There has to be someone like that in this city.

Or perhaps :

I don’t need A relationship. I need relationshipS with great people. And that would suffice  for this lifetime.

Here are some  drawings from my last 2 modeling sessions. I’ve been very  lucky recently to get really interesting women  to model for me. My last one from tonight was especially memorable. She was fearless in an artistic sense.  I loved  it. And she is quite complicated in a good way. She is potentially a muse. Even the silences between us I thought were comfortable. It’s not hard to find a model,  it’s the  creative  and intellectual ( maybe even spiritual)  chemistry that’s  so rare.

I’m also fully convinced that the closest a man will get to a woman laid bare is when she is talking while naked in front of him without his penis in her. In the way?

And lastly, like clockwork, I have an overriding need to see a woman I find interesting in the nude regardless of her physique or other attributes. And every time  my wish is granted I always feel an immense sense of gratitude, of privilege. It’s a door willingly, magically opened. Beyond is Discovery. I enter as a votary. And then it’s like floating in an air balloon over this  landscape, this feast laid out that you can never sate yourself on.

The eyes gets  so drunk.


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2 Comments leave one →
  1. April 25, 2011 1:31 pm

    I so remember you doing the above painting. It turned out wonderful. I was very happy with the plastic bag. Did you sell it? I think I may have found a place in my area that I can get into figure drawing classes. In your opinion was the life drawing more beneficial than the fully clothed model class session? I’ve never been to a live session before and have only drawn from reference photos. Once it gets warmer outside or even I guess starting tomorrow, maybe Ill start carrying a sketchbook and drawing folks on the buss or bus stop etc. :0) It should be quite interesting. I love the people who ask “did you draw that” when obviously they see you drawing something.

    • June 15, 2011 3:18 pm

      sorry just caught this comment. life- drawing is beneficial- it teaches you anatomy- how the forms on a human body connects in an elegant and logical way- you can’t appreciate that with clothed models. We are human beings and I think ultimately what is human is most interesting to us: thus the nude body. As for sketching- any opportunity to draw is good- and drawing in public is best in my experience because it makes you numb, and less self conscious- you develop better concentration if nothing else- good luck with your endeavors

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